I Was Alive Back Then

All my lives are coming through

And, even though there isn’t room

I save seats for my selves

Invite them in, wish them well

The way I feel & the way I guess I felt

I was 23 & crazy

Frightened, overwhelmed, and angry

You said, “That’s not how I see you

You treat yourself unfairly

Don’t treat yourself unfairly.”

I was alive back then

I remember when

It was Christmas

We were wrestlers

Bay Ridge Parkway

Our apartment

We were fast & best friends

We were just little kids

You were Lenny Dykstra

I was Wally Backman

This was before I got so lonely

With my lovers, with my family

Scared of living

Scared of dying

Scared of being happy

I couldn't let myself be happy

I was alive back then

I was alive back then

I was alive back then

I remember when

I was 20

Kolankowski

Asked me who I thought I’d marry

I answered your name

Years before we would date

Years before he’d officiate our wedding

You never “know”

You’re never “ready”

But all your fear is just confetti

Let it blow all 'round your bedroom

When it gets too heavy

Don’t let it get too heavy

I was alive back then

I was alive back then

I was alive back then

No one asks you if you’re ready

When they’re handing you the baby

My mother said, “Son, you can’t imagine

You’ll have your mind blown, honey

You’ll be crazy in love, honey.”

I was alive back then

I was alive back then

I was alive back then

I remember when

I was alive back then

Now, I am again