Screwed

Some dumb Indian sold Manhattan for

Seven bucks and a bottle of booze

Went out drinking and came home sober and

Told his friends the good news

Bernadette saw the Virgin Mary but

No one else could and everyone tried

All her friends said that she’d gone crazy she

Joined a convent and died

I’m the Indian, I am Bernadette

I’m the sucker who doesn’t know it yet

I just signed it I never reviewed

All the fine print you wrote out

Now I guess I’m screwed

Indiana Jones liked to travel he

Took his friend on a treasure hunt trip

Did a favor and threw him the idol but

Never got back his whip

Boba Fett was a bounty hunter he

Did his job well, brought back his man

He was clutching his unspent money when he

Fell down a hole in the sand

I’m the Dr. Jones, I am Boba Fett

I’m the sucker who doesn’t know it yet

I just signed it I never reviewed

All the fine print you wrote out

Now I guess I’m screwed

It’s bad news for me again

It never ends

I got no prize inside my Happy Meal

I got lots of money

I got lots of friends

Just like Meatloaf got a record deal

Alexander Graham Bell made telephones

His friend Watson was out all the time

Called him up just to chat, nobody home

Never got back his dime

Once upon a time France was beautiful

Had a queen who gave everyone cake

Then the people got mad and killed her dead

Took back all they could take

I am Graham Bell, Marie Antionette

I’m the sucker who doesn’t know it yet

I just signed it I never reviewed

All the fine print you wrote out

Now I guess I’m screwed