Poor Fool, He Makes Me Laugh

Poor fool, he makes me laugh!

Haha,

Haha!

Time I tried to get a better better half !

COUNTESS AND CHORUS

Poor fool, he doesn't know!

Hoho,

Hoho! etc.

If he knew the truth, he'd never, ever go!

(Suddenly from nowhere, we hear the voice of the

PHANTOM)

PHANTOM'S VOICE

Did I not instruct that Box Five was to be kept empty?

MEG (terrified)

He's here: the Phantom of the Opera . . .

(General reaction of bewilderment.

CHRISTINE looks fearfully about her)

CHRISTINE

It's him . . . I know it . . . it's him . . .

CARLOTTA (Finding a scapegoat in CHRISTINE,

hisses at her)

Your part is silent, little toad!

(But the PHANTOM has heard her)

PHANTOM'S VOICE

A toad, madame? Perhaps it is you

who are the toad . . .

(Again general unease. CARLOTTA and the

CONDUCTOR confer and pick up from the opening of the

scene)

CARLOTTA (As the COUNTESS)

Serafimo, away with this pretence!

You cannot speak, but kiss me in my croak!

(Instead of singing she emits a great croak like a toad. A

stunned silence. CARLOTTA is as amazed as anyone but

regains herself and continues. More perturbing,

however, is a new sound: the PHANTOM is laughing -

quietly at first, then more and more hysterically)

CARLOTTA (as the COUNTESS)

Poor fool, he makes me laugh -

Hahahahaha!

Croak, croak, croak,

croak, croak, croak, etc.

(As before. The PHANTOM'S laughter rises. The

croaking continues as the chandelier's lights blink on

and off. The PHANTOM'S laughter, by this time

overpowering, now crescendos into a great cry):

PHANTOM'S VOICE

Behold! She is singing to bring down the

chandelier!

(CARLOTTA looks tearfully up at the MANAGERS ' box

and shakes her head)

(ANDRE and FIRMIN hurry out of the box onto the

stage. PIANGI ushers the now sobbing CARLOTTA

offstage, while the MANAGERS tackle the audience)

FIRMIN

Ladies and gentlemen, the performance will

continue in ten minutes' time . . .

(He addresses Box Five, keeping one eye on the

chandelier as it returns to normal)

. . . when the role of the Countess will be sung by Miss

Christine Daae.

ANDRE (improvising)

In the meantime, ladies and gentlemen, we shall be

giving you the ballet from Act Three of tonight's opera.

(to the CONDUCTOR)

Maestro - the ballet - now!

(The MANAGERS leave, the stage is cleared and music

starts again. The BALLET GlRLS enter as a sylvan glade

flies in. They begin the Dance of the Country Nymphs.

Upstage, behind the drop, a series of threatening

shadows of the PHANTOM. MEG is aware of them and

dances out of step. When this culminates in one

gigantic, oppressive, bat-like shadow, the garotted body

of JOSEPH BUQUET falls onto the stage, causing the

sylvan glade to fly out. Pandemonium.)

CHRISTINE (calling for help)

Raoul! Raoul!

(RAOUL runs on stage and embraces her)

RAOUL (to CHRISTINE, leading her away)

Christine, come with me . . .

CHRISTINE

No. . . to the roof. We'll be safe there.

(CHRISTINE and RAOUL hurry off)

FIRMIN (Attempting to placate the audience as STAGE-

HANDS and POLICEMEN crowd onto the stage)

Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats. Do

not panic. It was an accident . . . simply an accident .