In My Mind

In my mind

In a future five years from now

I'm 120 pounds

And I never get hungover

Because I will be the picture of discipline

Never minding what state I'm in

And I will be someone I admire

And it's funny how I imagined that I would be that person now

But it does not seem to have happened

Maybe I've just forgotten how to see

That I'm not exactly the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind

In the faraway here and now

I've become in control somehow

And I never lose my wallet

Because I will be the picture of discipline

Never fucking up anything

And I'll be a good defensive driver

And it's funny how I imagined that I would be that person now

But it does not seem to have happened

Maybe I've just forgotten how to see

That I'll never be the person that I thought I'd be

And in my mind

When I'm old, I am beautiful

Planting tulips and vegetables

Which I will mindfully watch over

Not like me, now

I'm so busy with everything

That I don't look at anything

But I'm sure I'll look when I am older

And it's funny how I imagine that I could be that person now

But that's not what I want, if that's what I wanted then I'd be giving up somehow

How strange to see that I don't want to be the person that I want to be

And in my mind

I imagine so many things

Things that aren't really happening

And when they put me in the ground, I'll start pounding the lid

Saying "I haven't finished yet –

I still have a tattoo to get

That says 'I'm living in the moment'."

And it's funny how I imagined that I could win this winless fight

But maybe it isn't all that funny that I've been fighting all my life

But maybe I have to think it's funny if I wanna live before I die

And maybe it's funniest of all to think I'll die before I actually see

That I am exactly the person that I want to be

Fuck yes

I am exactly the person that I want to be