Half Man Half Biscuit

Paintball's Coming Home

They’ve got the whole world in their house

They’ve got the whole wide world in their house

They’ve got the whole world in their house

To see the new conservatory

They go ten pin bowling after work

And they’re getting married on a Caribbean beach

They’ve got a German shepherd dog called Prince

The one called Sheba died

They know where things are in B&Q

And they’ve got The Joy Of Sex video

If I were a linesman

I would execute defenders who applauded my offsides

They were due on the Crystal Maze

Yeah, they were due to go on the Crystal Maze

Yeah, they were due on the Crystal Maze

But they got mugged in Florida

They went up in a hot air balloon

They declared their love in a hot air balloon

Yeah, they drank champagne in a hot air balloon

And had a row on New Year’s Eve

They’ve got nothing but total respect for

Annie Lennox

And if I’d known they were coming, I’d have slashed me

wrists